Day 301 of 366 Blog Challenge 2012

 

Hello all

When I woke this morning, I realised it was my nephew’s wedding day today and my thoughts turned to wanting a good day for him and his bride to be. I sat in bed alone, with my cup of tea and I prayed a silent prayer that he and this woman he loves and has asked to be his wife, will find happiness together.

I was feeling a little maudlin over a couple of things that happened yesterday, but most of all I was feeling quite emotional as I had been reading a delightful story (over my cuppa) about an older couple – neighbours in fact – that had both lost their respective husband and wife  to cancer  and had found happiness together. They married some time later.

This made me think immediately of my nephew Alex and brought forth my silent prayer for him and his bride to be. I was wondering to myself about marriage and how the rewards are wonderful if one can navigate through the hard terms and come out the other end. I was wanting Alex and Deanne to make it through.

Yes folks, I suppose I WAS felling a little maudlin. Sure I had been a bit off-colour yesterday with a stomach bug but I wasn’t sure what else was going on within me, but by now I know myself well enough to know I need to start writing in my journal. It was then it all came out! Let me share with you the feelings that caused me to be this way.

The strange thing is, once I had written out my feelings (as in a prayer) I felt better immediately and then proceeded to get up and face the day. A day that will be filled with joy as we celebrate Alex’s wedding with all his family and friends.

From Maudlin to Joy

Life feels so difficult this last week Lord,

After the joy of the sea and a life amongst people in the Caravan Park

I feel sad to return home to the routine of life in the suburbs.

I want to get up early and walk, but bitumen roads and concrete paths

                    do not inspire me to do so

Therefore I stay in bed regretting that I have no sand to walk on

                    or sea to wet my feet as I paddle along

I miss these things Lord!

I miss being on holiday

I miss sitting under a tree near our van and reading

I miss so many things about our nomadic holiday!

My daughter Maria has phoned early, so happy and excited as she plans

                         Belinda’s Baby Shower for tomorrow.

As her heart sings, mine feels so flat and unengaged.

I try my best to share her joy but I feel envious and I don’t know why?

It is crazy because I am so pleased she is happy …

Perhaps I feel jealous of her youth and her energy, both of which

                         I felt were so lacking in me

For I had looked in the mirror at the hairdresser’s yesterday

                                       as I booked an appointment

And there I saw an older woman looking at me

It gave me quite a start for my hair was not looking good

              and I showed the signs of someone who was feeling a bit off-colour

     but trying her best.

I don’t want to be this old Lord!

I don’t want to ‘fade gentle into the night’

I want my youth back!!

I want all that energy back too!

My plea for acceptance and joy of where I am at in my life, goes out today

Lord, don’t desert me in this

It is a case of drying my eyes, getting up and going on.

Today is my nephew’s wedding day and I want to bless him.

Today, I want to rejoice because I have got to this older age

And today I want to rejoice with my nephew and his new bride

Be amongst family and be grateful for all I have been given

I want to thank you Lord, for I feel heaven reaching down and giving it all to me.

Amen.

The gift all wrapped up and ready for this afternoon

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