Day 149 of 366: Blog Challenge 2012
Hello all to a new week
I am getting rather excited this morning as I see on my calendar that I am heading to my 150th post tomorrow! But enough. I will leave the celebrations until Day 150 but for today, let’s revisit BE YOU.
Step 3 Stop caring about how people perceive you
Now dear folks, what does this really mean? I read this step and the first thing that went through my mind was:”yeah, easier said than done!” I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out how not to care how people perceive me, so I will pass on a few things that I think have helped ME.
It is a fact of life that some people will automatically like you and others will not. To me, this is something that is not unique to any of us. Don’t ask me why, but it is just the way life works. So … once we have come to terms with this fact, life is certainly more peaceful.
I have always loved this quote that WikiHelp has on its website:
As Eleanor Roosevelt said once, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and what matters most is that you listen to your own inner confidence and if it’s missing, that you start developing it!” http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Yourself
So there is your first clue to trying to figure out how to stop caring how others perceive you:
- listen to your own inner confidence
- if you don’t have any … start to develop it
How then, do we find inner confidence you might ask? Well, I have found Eight Components of Inner Confidence on a website which I thought were a really good as a starting point. Here they are: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/oreilly3.html
- Self Acceptance: accept your faults and affirm “God isn’t finished with me yet.”
- Self Respect: are you going to beat yourself up every day, or give yourself good inner messages?
- Self Esteem: learning to believe you are good enough, valuable and worthwhile
- Self Believe: having faith in your own judgment and believing that no matter what happens you will be okay
- Self Love: liking yourself and with practise building good feelings about yourself deep within
- Self Assurance: learning to validate yourself and not always relying on others to do it
- Self Determination: get to know your own values and beliefs and let these guide you
- Self Admiration: feel proud (not as in ‘ego’) about what you have accomplished; gratitude helps here
Wow! This is a huge list isn’t it? But it is worth mulling on during the next week. I believe too, it is important to have friends that make you feel good about yourself, so surround yourself with people who care about you and with whom you feel safe and comfortable. It is not about ‘people pleasing’ but about finding a restful place amongst friends.’
You cannot turn yourself into someone you don’t like to suit other people. Remember that. Once you are in a group of good people, confidence then comes to you. However … if you are in the workplace where you are bullied – by either your bosses or your workmates – then my friends you are in trouble indeed!
It does matter how your bosses and peers accept you, so how do we cope when this happens? Yes, I have had it happen to me! I did learn to deal with this situation, but it can take its toll on you. Again, good old WikiHelp comes to the rescue:
“Don’t trivialize it if you face negative social pressure or bullying. It’s easier to withstand it if you are aware of it as pressure and build healthy defenses. Building up a circle of trusted friends and people who share your views and beliefs in life is a good way to help reduce the impact of hostile people.”
See … there goes that bit about trusted friends again! And yes, it does help to have them there to validate you: that you are okay. On the other hand, it sometimes helps if you can look at yourself honestly and ask if you have done anything to impact on how you are being treated. If you believe that you haven’t, well and good. If not …
I will give you an example from my own life. I had a boss who I felt was out to “get me.” I couldn’t figure out what was going on and other staff members couldn’t either. I tried everything to be ‘nice’ to this woman until one day – months and months later – I saw that I was trying ‘too hard’ desperate for her to treat me well and make life easier.
In the end, I had an epiphany and I just gave up and treated her as I would treat anyone else (nicely but not over the top). She didn’t suddenly love me but it did the trick and she backed off. Do you know what? I think she KNEW that I was trying too hard and hated me even more for it!! Oh, silly me. But I did learn.
So in this instance I was (a) ceasing to care how she perceived me and (b) I changed something about myself that helped the situation. Often it helps to talk to someone you can trust about the situation (someone WISE folks!) because they may give you good advice.
This is a subject that one could keep on writing about, but as this is just a humble little blog folks – and as I am not a psychologist (wish I was sometimes!) I will leave you with what I have given you. Think about these things …
Step 3: Stop caring about how people perceive you!