Day 142 of 366: Blog Challenge 2012
Oh well, now that the excitement of the fete is over, it must be time to move on to the second step in the BE YOU journey but before I do, let’s have a look at where I am at today.
Trying to block out the need for some housework, I have spent considerable time this morning looking at our “next big thing” which is our Cruise from Fremantle (in Western Australia) around the top of Australia back to Brisbane. Oh, and we stop off in Indonesia at Lombok also. July 7th 2012 is the date we leave.
Geoff turns 70 on 13th July and as he is a man who loves the sea, he thought a cruise was the perfect way to spend this milestone birthday. We will celebrate with the family when we return. As this is only 7 weeks away, I thought it was high time to start dreaming again now that Fiji is behind us.
Step 2: Avoid fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow
Seeing we are at Step 2 and not fixating on the past, it reminds me of days gone by when Geoff and I were bringing up our family on one meagre income with me as a stay at home mother. Life was a struggle and money was not freely available but we did camp every year at the beach and the kids remember their childhood as being full of wonderful holidays. So we did manage to take pleasure in the simple things of life.
Geoff and I were discussing this today; how blessed we feel at this stage in our lives that we can now afford to travel – something we thought would never be possible! This leads me to share with you today how I used Step 2 to begin to change my life by shaking off the past. But first, let us look at what WikiHow says about it.
2. “Avoid fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow. One of the most unhealthy approaches to being oneself is to make a decision that who you are is defined by a moment or period of time, after which you spend the rest of your life trying to still be that person from the past rather than someone who is still you but grows with the passing of each season and decade.
Allow yourself this space to grow, to improve, to become wiser. And allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you’re not so proud of. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you’ve made; they’re done and in the past.”
So what I was trying to say was how I became aware in 2004 (by this time the kids were gone and Geoff and I were both earning a good income) that I was stuck in a “poverty mentality” left over from my childhood and early married years.
This came as a shock to me and I wanted o change my thinking. The first thing Geoff and I did was to buy some “holiday credits” in a reputable company in order to allow ourselves some nice holidays. The company offered us a 2 for the price of 1 cruise to entice us and we took it!
And folks, from that time forth, my poverty mentality began to die a natural death. A defining moment came when our daughter Maria said she would love a family Christmas at the beach in a nice resort. I found myself automatically saying “we could never afford that!” before I realised: “hey we have holiday credits!” And so – in 2005 – we came to spend a beautiful Christmas with children and grandchildren at the beach with a balcony overlooking the sea. And we have been holidaying ever since.
I couldn’t believe I had been so blind to all this but there were other behaviours that I worked on eliminating from my life also. Sometimes, it takes time to do this but if you are open and you “see” something that you want to change about yourself and it is holding you back from growing, take steps to change it.
So … what is happening to me RIGHT NOW? I have written in my nice Journal that I am trying desperately to be a better person (a good person/Christian/wife/mother) and do you know what I have discovered? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOLKS!
Just like people from A.A have to admit their dependence on a Higher Power in order to stop drinking, I believe that we must admit that we are flawed people and need help! Only then, can we move on to become better people or change our lives. When we accept and love our imperfect selves and know we are loved (in my case) by God also, we find peace. It sure feels good! WikiHelp says:
“Growth into every new age and stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.”
So there! All we have to do is to make a beginning. Start being OPEN to change! That is all you have to do. Begin to notice your thinking. I believe that “awareness” is the first step to leaving your past behind. Believe me, there will come a time in your life when you do need to deal with “things” from your past that are holding you back.
You do not have to search for them. No, they will come and tap you on the shoulder (when the time is right) by things that happen in your present. Watch for them!
Have the courage to deal with them by going to counselling, or talking to a friend who can help: whatever it takes to do it! I am no expert folks, but having been in this position (remember I am an “old dear” ha ha) I am speaking from my own experience.
I do believe that as you get older, you begin to feel … REGRET.
REGRET: because of what you have failed to do. REGRET: because of what you did do … wrongly. And REGRET: because you are getting older and wonder what in the name of goodness your future now holds: is it too late? (probably not!)
Yes, if you deal with all this and learn from it, you will go on to have peace no matter what your age folks.
One way of knowing when you need to be moved on is when you find yourself going round and round in circles about the same gripes from the past. Coming to terms with what feels right for YOU requires help at times and I have not been afraid to see a Counsellor (especially when I was menopausal but don’t get me started on that one!)
So now folks, I will keep it simple today with regard to Step 2 and leave you with this thought: