Hello all

I am still trying to work out what happened yesterday?

Now, you should all know by now that my husband Geoffrey, is a colourful character at the best of times, but late yesterday, the colour indicator went up markedly.

I blamed it partly on the lovely balmy evening as we strolled around the garden feeling content, but thinking back on it, I believe it began much earlier in the day. It began when Geoff attended ‘Men’s Sheds’ at the Library in the morning. This was his first meeting. Here men gather to discuss “men’s things” and drink lots of coffee.

I have come to see that the combination of testosterone and coffee was a lethal one. Testosterone and coffee do NOT mix! It tipped him over the edge. Here is what happened.

Geoff had come home ‘very happy’ from the Mens Sheds meeting and was full of stories of the men, their personalities and general information, so he was in a very good mood for the rest of the afternoon and then we walked around the garden. As we did we both commented on interesting things: a spider had built a large nest (yes, to hatch babies) and the beans he had planted two days ago had grown and would make Jack and his Beanstalk proud. They were enormous.

Geoff was full to the brim with bonhomie and wisdom about life. He felt content. And then we sat down to have our tea in our outdoor area and it all went up a notch and Geoff remarked that we have the “best garden in the world!” (see photo). He felt proud of it. His colour indicator was rising higher still.

I then remarked that we have had a lot of unwelcome animals enjoying our ‘best garden in the world’ over the years and I should write about them on my blog. Geoff came alive with interest. Now, remember this is a man who never reads my blog but gives me lots of ideas and allows me to pass them by him. On this occasion, I didn’t have to say a word. He had it all covered! (Who was writing this blog, anyway?)

The last six months had seen an increase in unwelcome visitors: an Egret who stalked the yard looking ethereal and totally out-of-place, but the worst had been the bush turkey and some chickens. There has been visits by snakes over the years but none of late. The last visit by a snake will stay in my memory forever but I will tell that incredible story at a later time!

Geoff remarked about the bush turkey that plagued our garden for about 12 months, rummaging through mulch and leaving mess all over the place. Geoff was secretly plotting with our neighbour, to remove the nuisance turkey somehow … not sure how, as they are a protected species and they cannot be removed without authority from on high and … by paying a lot of money. 

Before details of the secret abduction of the turkey to Mt. Tambourine Forest could be finalised, the turkey disappeared. To this day, no one knows why. Now while we ate, Geoff  became dramatic, saying he could just see the headline: “who is responsible for the demise of the bush turkey?”  There surely would be an enquiry.

But he never stopped there. “You know Theresa” he said in a dead pan voice, “no one would want to eat that turkey, don’t you? Because you’d have to boil it up in a pot with a stone and when the stone was soft, you would throw away the turkey and eat the stone.”  Oh Geoff, really?!

The next subject was the “wandering chooks” as he called them. Half a dozen of them lived two doors up where Geoff calls the occupants “the Bros” (pronounced ‘Bro-s’ because they come from New Zealand and we all know that New Zealanders call each other “Bro” according to Geoff.) These chickens would get out of their enclosure every day and where would they come? To “the best garden in the world” of course!

Geoff could be seen jumping out of bed at dawn when he heard those recalcitrant chickens scratching in his lovely mulched garden. Off he would go chasing them home. Discussions with the ‘Bros’ came to naught. They didn’t have the heart to cut their wings, or mend the hole in their fence either … so Geoff tried to do it for them. But no! Back those hens would come at all hours of the day. The next day, it would all begin again.

After four months of this, Geoff had had enough. Back to the ‘Bros’ for more discussion. If he wasn’t chasing the chickens he was chasing the turkey! Who said retirement was dull? And then one day, the good news came through from Mrs Bro: “my mother is going to take the chickens to her house in the bush.” By now, with the turkey gone, the final delight was the mass exit of the hens. Even the egret had gone. Peace at last!

Geoff was recounting all these tales for me and my blog (one would think I did not live here and knew nothing). Then came a tale I had not heard before.  He began “It’s like that cat – Molly – next door. Yesterday I found HER wanting to take over our yard now – just when it’s quiet.” He continued: ” I found her sitting on our rubbish bin near the fence as if she owned the place. I told her sternly: you do not live here, get back on your side of the fence!”  She didn’t like his tone and ran over the top of our car parked nearby and back over the fence.  What next he wanted to know?

Tea had ended but he really wasn’t finished … yet.  He put on a DVD of Andre Rieu and the high jinx continued in full flight. Geoff pointed out people in the crowd (recorded in Holland) saying: “there is Mrs. Hogendyke  and over there, that one is Mrs De Langa” and what about the Van Dykes nearby?”  He was sure I had heard of all these Dutch names? No I had not … well maybe the Van Dykes.

It was at this point that I cracked! I said firmly: “Geoff, enough! I know you’ re feeling incredibly happy but just give it a rest …please? Just watch the show!” Peace reigned once more. The evening turned into a relaxed and enjoyable one.

And so dear friends, comes the end of my tale of yesterday when I think I proved that testosterone and coffee just do NOT mix!

NB: yes Geoff does know that this blog has been written about him and even though he will never read it, he loves what I have shared with you all. What a good sport!

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