I am back for another day of blogging after meeting up for brunch with a dear friend.
Isn’t it lovely to catch up with old friends? Not necessary OLD as in age but OLD as in longevity of friendship. There is a feeling of comfort in being together even if there has been a few months since you last met up. I have such nice memories of times we have spent together but memory can work the other way as well.
The short-term memory can be bad but the long-term memory is good. ‘Tis true. I will tell you all about it. Let the games begin…
It happens on a regular basis that I have this particular conversation with my husband. It goes like this:
Where have I put….?(whatever it is). Today it was my blouse. “Geoff where did I put my blouse? He replied “How would I know?!” Poor fellow, I feel for him. I replied “I am sure I put it on A door-knob.” He gives me THAT look.
Well, after checking the bedroom doorknob, the bathroom doorknob, the spare room doorknob and even the computer room doorknob, it had not been found and I was beside myself. I was so sure a doorknob was involved. Aaah relief. The lightbulb went on! The Rumpus Room doorknob perhaps?
And there it was…
A blouse hanging off the Rumpus Room doorknob just waiting to be claimed.
I was not going crazy after all. It was just a case of WHICH doorknob that’s all. Just as well I didn’t have this bad memory when my children were small or I might have mislaid the kids!
Is it….I hesitate to use that word again…OLD age? I remember when IT began you know. The bad memory that is. It was in 1997. I had finished my degree and was working and I decided I would do my Honours at University part-time. What I had not counted on was.. (that other dreaded word)… the MENOPAUSE. You know the one. Hot flushes. Crazy thoughts. Anger. You name the emotion and there it was.
My world felt as if it was coming to an end. I couldn’t remember simple things. When I went to sit for a mid-semester exam I could hardly remember much of what I had learned. It scared the living daylights out of me!
Things did improve… after about six months, but that certainly was the defining moment when my life (as I had known it) changed. And a lot of the changes I made myself, to accommodate what was going on in my body. Note: take heart anyone who is approaching or going through this ‘time of life’. You do survive it. Unfairly, others never even experience it!
The first thing I did was stop university. I didn’t defer. I just left. And I felt powerful. I had very strong words with the university lecturer who was making life difficult for me and he was shocked. He was willing to do anything for me, anything to get this lunatic woman off his back. But no, I just told him that he could ‘shove it.’ I was leaving.
It was a moment of clarity that I could not have seen coming. Why did I want to be doing Honours at fifty years of age? Wasn’t working enough? Who did I think I was going to be? The Dean of the University perhaps?
And so here I am fifteen years down the track. I am more grounded now (‘thank goodness’ says ‘HE who survived it’) but what has remained, unfortunately, is that I am still prone to the odd memory lapse. And so the lost blouse incident occurred to remind me of my age and to keep me humble perhaps?
I remember during that year of 1997 I had a Performance Assessment with my supervisor and she remarked what a calm, serene presence I was at work. Ha! Me? What should I do? Tell the truth (how I had been getting all that mean stuff out of my system in my Journal?) or let her think I was amazing? What a dilemma.
Well, blab that I am, I told the truth. I just could not help myself. But I was glad I did because she was most impressed and declared that she thought Journal writing was a great tool and would use it herself. Years later, she still remembered it! I never expected such a confession to make me her hero.
Isn’t life strange folks? You tell the truth about yourself and you end up being admired. It seems that the more truthful we are about our inner selves, the more people love it. Do you think it makes others feel better about themselves also?
So there you have it. When thoughts of this kind enter your head like: am I going crazy or what?
The answer is: no, most likely you are not, you are just having a bad day or you’re in the menopause or you are just overloaded at work and taking on too much. or perhaps you just need someone to put their arms around you and give you a hug? Time to do some writing in that Journal perhaps?